SON

Your Grandmother, Auntie Dish, Uncle Mike and I picked up your ashes today, and it was one of the hardest days of our lives - making it so final.  Jared brought a smile and tears to all of us when he showed us the CD he had made of your life.  What a tribute it was, it was beautiful.

Here's a song that Grandma Dianne loves to listen to, as well as me, which reminds us both so much of you.  The song is, "Here We Go Again".  Andy made grandma and I laugh the other day because Andy was singing it and I asked him are you singing that song and he said, well, I've only heard it fifty times or more, anyway it has stuck in his head.

The song so reminds me of you because it was like, here we go again, life kept knocking you down, but you kept trying so hard, and we all were so proud of you, but forgot to tell you that.  We worried about the wrong things, the things we thought you should have been doing.  I wish I had the knowledge that I have now. If I knew then what I know now, then things would have been so different.  What's that saying:  "Hindsight is twenty-twenty.   I would have taken the time away from my busy life, which now seems of no importance, to hold you more, to tell you how much I loved you and will always love you, and that you were and are one of the most important people in my life, and how proud I am of you, and kissed you much, much more often.  Here we go again, how do I get out of bed every morning knowing that I no longer have you in my life, that I will never see your smile again, never argue with you again?  How do I do this?  From the love of God's arms, guide me through the pain of losing you.

One of the lessons I pray to learn from this is not to forget to let your loved ones know how much you love them, to take the time to laugh, touch, kiss and let them know how proud you are of them even when they fail, for as humans we all fail.  Because of the loss of you, my love, I have come to realize that we have one chance and only one chance.  When death takes someone you love, there are no more chances, no re-do.