WE CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE MY LOVE (YOUR MOM)

Hi Hito:  I’m not really sure how to do this so help me out here.  I pray every day that God would give me your heart and the love of life and tolerance for people that you had.  When I would say I’ve had enough with Carlos, he has had so many chances, which holds true for most  of us, but you would always say,  “Mom, I’ll never give up on my brother, and you were right you had the right heart.  The loss of losing you has made me, as well as others, think different, is this your gift to us?   I did the best I could at that time, or so I’d like to think, but there’s no excuse for not being there when you needed me to just accept and love you.  Instead of saying how proud of you I was for your kindness towards people and your loyalty towards the people that you did care about, no I bitched at you for what you were not doing.    Your passing has now been two months, and it seem like it will never be easy.  I still think of a lady that came up to me and said, “I don’t know you, but your son always took the time to stop and say hello."  She was an older woman, but yet you took the time.  Would I have?  Probably not.  Life always got in the way, to busy, or……..  Amazing how after your passing that no longer seems to matter.  I'm sure you remember that saying, “  You don’t know what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it."  Oh, by the way, you did have a way of driving people crazy sometimes.  You would be amazed at the people that loved you, and this is not just family, and came forward and called about you and wrote about you,  you are the star, but to late I realized that you always were.  People  loved you for your kindness and good heart, your love for life, and boy did you have charisma, send me some of that.  I bitched because I love you and just wanted to see you get your life together, but how wrong I was, that was your life, and it was in giving and living that made you so special, but I saw it too late. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted, it was your way, even if I didn’t agree.  I always said I loved you and your brother unconditionally, but that was a lie, I wanted you to live your life the way I thought you should.  I still do, but that wasn’t my choice.  My job was to just love you no matter what path you choose.  I'm lost and afraid, your passing has changed by life forever, so with the help of the Lord help me make it for the better and honor the Lord and you.  I know you're with him because we do not have a cruel God, and he knew your heart.  I grew up with a lot of heart, but learned how to hide it, you grew up with a lot of heart and couldn’t hide it.  Now, with your passing may the Lord with his arms around you give me the ability of love, patience, and tolerance.