Andy

Hey Bubba! 

I know your life wasn’t easy, but hell, nobodies is.  I’m looking at you now (in a picture) from your past (not so past) and I don’t think you’re so attractive.  I know it don’t matter, WTF.  I think as long as all the senoritas thought so.  I admit I was surprised when someone you loved came all the way to Florida to be with you.  You seemed to really care immensely for each other but WTF do I know.  Actually, no one would’ve come that far w/o motives.  Either way, I don’t judge you for that.  Didn’t you see the period?  Let’s just leave it at that.  After all, I don’t know what I don’t know.  Anyway, I don’t wanna start no shit.  You tried to do things for everybody you came into contact with, although some rejected your assistance, you would help anyway.  I’m looking at some sort of slide show and the first picture shows  your face, but it looks more like someone’s  “very nice home”.  What is has to do with you?  Oh, that must be all the beautiful women who love you.  Relax!  I’m just kidding.  God Bless little children while their still too young to hate.  Well, I gotta admit you got some pretty funny kinfolk.  I mean to say that they have a sense of humor.  Don’t get your shorts in a wad!  I and everybody else hates a pen that don’t mark when it’s supposed to.  Anyway, I’m looking at your TV debut (the fire) today and I was quite proud of you for referring to me as your stepdad.  Hell it could have been worse.  There goes this damn pen again.  Oh Well!  I remember once (right after you got here) you said to me “Well ain’t ya gonnna tell me I’m stupid or I’m screwing up or something?”  I couldn’t think of a single thing to say that I didn’t think you already knew or heard from somebody else so I didn’t say anything.  I’ve looked back at that numerous times and I always had to wonder whether you were needling me or you really wanted someone to tell you what to do.  I’m sorry if the latter of that was the truth cause if it was then I neglected to give you the understanding you were looking for.  I guess that shit don’t matter much now.  You made choices like all of us.  Sometimes we really screw up especially when we’re incoherent and we think we’re right.  Doesn’t matter what it’s about.  The big picture don’t matter then.  Hell, we can’t even see the real picture, let alone, what’s right.  We just want what we want.  I ain’t no damned different.  I want what I want but I’ll give it up to see someone else gets what they want cause if they weren’t happy, I wouldn’t be happy!  Yeah, I saw things you did “didn’t mean crap to me” but they meant a lot to your mother and that’s all that mattered.  For instance, when Tiny died and we buried him under the oaks by the driveway, you made a cross to mark the spot and dressed it all up.  You’re Momma cried when she saw what you did.  Not from sadness (just the opposite) but from the fact that someone cared about her grief like you did.  I just saw a picture of you helping me work on the mower and I was thinking, “You might not have a clue about what to do but if you were needed, you were there and that alone means more than anyone is willing to admit.”  Having someone to share the moment with sometimes even most of the time makes the work worthwhile.  Knowing we have someone we can lean on is worth more than most things in life.  I am sure you actually know this and I’m just rambling on.  Even so, I just can’t help wondering why I miss your ass so much.  Somewhere beneath that rough exterior beat the heart of someone who actually cared.  Although, I don’t want to eat your fish by the time I get back from you wake, I may be too hungry to wait for surf and turf.  Ok, I know, you can stop laughing now!  You know there’s no way I’m gonna eat those little fighting fish.  I’ll be digging stuff off your plate before that.  Don’t worry, I’ve been feeding them well, although the thought did cross my mind that the gold one with the hump on it’s head looks like it could make a fish sandwich, maybe!  Ok, I’ll be alright. I’m feeding them and even the cats say “I’m doing a good job!”  Ok BUBBA, here comes the part where I call you an asshole.  I know I never called you an asshole before but you sure was off on this one and this one really counted.  I know you didn’t mean to but this shit happens and you knew it!  WTF.  Did you thing all your family and friends would do?  THEY CRY  -  AND SO DO I ASSHOLE!!!!

                                                                                                . . . . . . . . . . Love Andy!!!!!!

June 7, 2001