HAPPY HAPPY B'DAY MY SWEET LOVE

Happy,  Happy Birthday my sweet love.

Do you have birthdays in Heaven or will you always be 36 years old?

I guess I’ll find out when I meet you there.

However it is I am sure it’s beautiful!

We never forget you and we miss you.

Grandma's right, love.  You've been on all our minds today, more than usual.  I think of you often.  Auntie Peggy

LULT…..FOREVER

Grandma Honey

May 12, 2013

Hello My Dear Leo,

It’s been 2 years since you left us for greener pastures.

Sometimes it seems like forever and other times it seems like not so long ago.

You are still missed by many!

 I wish I could see your face and tell you one more time how much you were loved.

And also I wish I had not been so judgmental with you, so many wishes.

LULT……FOREVER

Grandma Honey

Hello Hito,

Just to let you know that I (we)  remember you and miss you on your 17^th month of leaving us.  As we always do.

LULT……FOREVER

9/12/2012

My Dear Hito,

16 months have gone by and we continue to miss you!

LULT……..Forever

Postscript:  I think of you often, little boy.  I'll always remember you as a little boy.  Auntie Peggy

My Dear Dear Hito,

Thinking of you today as I often do.

15 months, gosh it doesn’t seem that long.

I hope you know how much you’re missed!

LULT…..FOREVER

I think of you often, too, Hito.  It's hard to believe that it's been 15 months since you left this hard world, but I know you wouldn't have chosen to.  I wish I had a chance to sit w/you next to a stream and talk about all the important things that really matter.  I wish...well, doesn't matter what I wish, but I loved you, always, since you were a baby, and still do.  If you know anyone important up there, tell them it's too soon for your grandma to go be with you.  We still need her, love, more than you.   We will all join you sooner or later.  PJ

14 MONTHS - STILL MISSED - GRANDMA HONEY

My Dear Sweet Leo,

So much has happened since you left us 14 months ago.  The time has flown by.

But I still miss you!  I pray that you are at peace in this oh so beautiful and happy place.

I tire easily now, so this is going to be short and sweet.

Till we see each other again, know that I love you now and forever.

LULT………..FOREVER

ONE YEAR

May 12, 2012

My dear sweet love.  It’s been a year since we lost you.  But you are still fresh in our minds.Maybe it’s because you are sitting safely in our hearts all the time.  As you know, I have been under the weather for a while, so I haven’t had the energy to write.  So now the family is running ragged helping me.  So much I want to say, but I am running low on energy.  I envision you happy in my Lord’s Arms always  trying to help.  You will always be special to me (to us).

LULT….  FOVEVER

Gramma Honey

Grandma

Hello My Sweet Hito,

Missing you today (and always) on your 10th anniversary.
·         Looking at pictures of you and remembering you growing up.
·         We were blessed to have you for the time that we did.
·         Thank you for the memories!!
·          
·         LULT...AND FOREVER!!!

Grandma Honey

My Dearest Hito, 

Gone but not forgotten.   Nine months have gone by since you left us.

What can I say, it has been doubly hard for us because not only have we lost you but we have also lost

Andy in so short a time.  So much pain.  Your mom is so heartbroken.  It has been hard for Andy’s mom and his siblings.

Hard for our family because he was a part of our family and we loved him.  And I’m sure hard for his true friends.

I don’t understand, but a wise young lady told ne this “we don’t need to agree or understand, but we just need to  accept.”

And she is so right because we cannot change it, no matter how hard we try.    So we can choose to live life by example or we can stay in our misery

and help no one,  not even ourselves.  Easier to say but much more difficult to live by. 

LULT….FOREVER

"To live in the hearts of those you leave behind is never to die"
~Robert Orr~

My Dear Leo

Thursday will be 8 months since you left us, but I am writing to you tonite because I will be traveling to Florida on that day.  I am going to say my good bye to Andy.  You know how we all loved him and what a big part of our family he was.  I keep hearing him say "it will be alright".  Boy we sure did not start 2012 with a happy tone did we.  Well hito we sure do miss you and now we are going to miss Andy.  We still cannot believe he is gone.  How cruel life can be sometimes.  He was just beginning to work thru his grief from loosing Josh.  Or I think he was because he was able to talk about him to us. I know that is the cycle, we're born, we live and we die.  But we are never prepared to loose the people we love.  Oh how difficult this last 8 months have been for our family and your friends.  And now how much more difficult it will be especially for your mom and for Andy's mom and both our families.  Our dear friend Paul was also dealt a double whammie right along with us.  Andy and your mom were so happy about their new home and how this was going to be a new start for them.  We will all be thinking of you and Andy and Josh.  Even though I did not know Josh very well because I only went to FL once a year. He was always so nice and polite to me.  Tell him I think of him often and wish I had been there to say good bye.  Andy cared for you alot and I know he missed you .   Andy was always sitting at his house and writting to you.  Give him a big hug for me. So now you will get a chance to hang with both of them.   This is going to be a difficult year for everyone that loved all of you!! 
I think I will say good night for now.  I feel like I am rambling, i don't think any of us has had a good nights
sleep since Andy got hurt .  And now back to Florida  3 trips in 8 months.  That's a record for me.

Sending my love to you, Andy & Josh!

LULT.....FOREVER

Hi Boys

Your are together now, dammit. It was hard enough losing Leo, and now you have left us, too. I spoke to Chris and she told me how good the last two weeks were for you two, how you seemed to be turning the corner from Josh's death and you were HAPPY, REALLY HAPPY. I am so sorry, Andy, that you died. Not just for Chris' sake, but because we loved you. I hope you are with Josh now and our Leo, and that you will watch over Chris and Carlos. And I hope that you can soften your daughter's heart some (I can't even bear to type her name), because she is making everything so very hard for Chris.

I wonder that people don't take better care of their loved ones, and prepare the way for them in the event of a tragedy like this. You truly screwed the pooch on that one. Your daughter is making Chris' life a living hell at the moment, and I know you will understand (even if you can't agree) when I say I hope she gets her comeuppance and pays dearly for her lack of compassion and human decency.

Fly well u til we speak again. Love PJ

Time My Love

To ease Andy's way to you, you and Josh. Your Mom is so broken, so ease her spirit all you can because I don't think we will be enough.

Andy
January 1, 2012

Hi Sweetie: Are you listening? You have probably had more people talking to you in the last six months than ever before. We miss you, but you know that, don't you! It's easier to appreciate all the idiosyncrasies when you know they are gone forever. But we never learn. The same lesson over and over and somehow the tragedies, the unthinkable still catches you by surprise.
Is Andy with you yet? I don't know if I have enough medical information or even if what I have is accurate, but if I do and it is, then I think he must already be there (hi, Andy - idiot, what the hell were you thinking). All those letters you wrote to Leo, talking about how careless he was with his life, and how sad he left his mom, and you go and do the very same thing.
Now, everyone is talking about what is right, and how things look, and what's not right. I wonder that no one learned that there is nothing right when this happens, or maybe that nothing is wrong. If you are honestly grieving, and there is no malice meant, and you're not a completely insensitive boob, then how could anything be the wrong thing to do. We all grieve alone, no matter what, and we all grieve differently. If someone needs a lock of hair, or a picture to give them some measure of comfort, then how can that be wrong, and what does it matter. So much fuss over such unimportant matters.
Dear Andy, if there is a miracle to be had, and you get a second chance, I would rejoice with all my being, but I don't believe God's miracles work like that. However, feel free to prove me wrong. And if not, then please give Leo a hug for me. For now, I'm so mad at you, and so very sad.

It'll be all right.

Auntie Janet

Dear Andy,
 
Just the other day I was reading Leo's blog, and I know I've told you this before, but I shall tell you again,...I think that you should write a book!  Every time I read your letters, I laugh and I think to myself,... Andy should write a book!  It looks like you will have plenty of down time, so when you are sitting in bed recovering, you should start your book! 
 
Love you
 
j

Xmas message from Auntie Janet

Hello Hito:
So how was your Christmas?  Did you get to spend it with the birthday boy?  You are in my thoughts every day, you know. I thought about sending you and Carlos a few bucks for Christmas .. then in the middle of that thought, I remembered that you are no longer in a place where they will do you any good.  

You’ll be happy to know that I have been eating enough desserts for the both of us! We had Christmas Eve here at our house and I was too busy to eat… so I have made up for it the last couple of days!  

The weather is cold out here.  I don’t like the cold.  Nor do I like the heat.  I like spring and fall temperatures.. 70% would be just fine.  And that’s if I remember correctly what 70 degrees feels like, which I probably don’t since my memory has walked out the door.  

Uncle Bob and Jonas are outside working on making a zip line.  It is a Christmas and Birthday gift (Jan. 8th) for Jonas.  

As I’m sure you are aware, your mom and Andy got a new house. It’s really nice, it has a pool.  You would have loved it.  I know you like the water...or was it just the ocean? Did you love being in the swimming pool, too?  I should ask your Auntie Dish, she would know.  

When you lose someone, every day is hard, but some days are harder. Of course, holidays are on the hard list!  We have a picture of you, Carlos, and your mom up along with the picture of you giving a lizard a cigarette… What were you thinking dude… two puffs and the lizard would have cancer, five puffs and he’d probably be dead!!  That picture makes us laugh… Jonas absolutely loves it, it’s one of our favorites!  

Grandma Dianne and I were in Florida for Thanksgiving and we cleaned your room, packed up your stuff.  So tell me, do you have to change clothes up there are you butt naked like the angels?  Or do you wear a robe or what… maybe you wear a shirt and pants .. but do you never get dirty… I’d like that cause who the heck wants to do laundry when you’re in Heaven, (unless of course there are laundry angels? ..plus I don’t really like water so taking a shower or bath is not my favorite thing to do, so I could do without that, too. Although I wouldn’t mind being able to wear whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  The clothes I have now are not really all that.  I dress according to my budget.  Grandma and I took a valium before we started cleaning the first day… so we did ok.  It was hell on your mom, though.  So I took another valium!

Your mom misses you sooo much.   I’m sure you know that she got a tattoo on her arm representing you… so if you feel a smack every once in a while… it’s her smacking her arm… which means she’s smacking you!  No doubt every smack is well deserved, but don’t feel bad… there is love behind that smack! I love you, Hito.
 
 

Grandma Honey

 My Dearest  Hito, 

Well, here we are coming up on 7 months that you have been gone from us. You have been on my mind more than usual  these past 2 days. Even though you are always on our minds.  We will especially miss you at this Holy Christmas Season.  And you will be celebrating with the Birthday Guest!!

  

Auntie Janet & I packed up your room over the Thanksgiving Holiday. We  remembered you, talked about you, we cried, but also we laughed about some things you’d said or done.  I guess that is what we  call  memories,  and we’re glad we have them.  My sweet love, you are loved by many. 

 Your auntie Trish is in Florida helping your mom & Andy update their new home. I hope they will be happy there, maybe thinking about it as a new start.  It is a lovely home in a nice neighborhood with a beautiful yard and a pool.  The homes & yards in that neighborhood are well kept.  Your mom is happy and sad.  It is a  bittersweet time for her. She always envisioned you there beside them,  working on it.

But she knows you are there in Spirit.

LULT…. FOREVER

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 A dream that could come true,

We’d pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and you

A thousand words can’t bring you back,

We know because we’ve tried

And neither will a million tears,

We know because we’ve cried.

You left behind our broken hearts

And HAPPY MEMORIES too.

We never wanted memories

We only wanted you.

Author unknown

ANDY

Well Bubba:  I’m sitting out here whether I like it or not.  Marly wouldn’t let me in the house w/o her coming inside to so I just sat down.  Figured I should write since you ain’t been saying much.  Haven’t heard from you in a while!!! Yeah, I know my minds been somewhere else and you’ve been somewhere else.  We’ve had a heavy fall of acorns this September & October and the damn squirrels are bitchin at each other.  I hope everything’s going well with you and you’ve forgotten all about us still down here, after all, even though you’ve got eternity, there’s no reason you should waste any time on us cuz there ain’t anything you can do about what we’re doing anyway.  Some people think there is but I pretty much figured that’s impossible otherwise there’d be a lot more Lotto winners!!!  HaHa! LOL.  P.S. – the squirrels are bitchin at the cats, I think.  Who the heck knows.  Your Grandma Honey emailed me a joke today.  It was funny.  You’re mom is still pretty much devastated by your lack of presence.  She misses you!!  Sorry there’s nothing you can do but she still misses you.  You know, I understand more than most how it hurts and how there ain’t a damned thing you can do to quiet the hurt.  Time truly is a healer.  Friends and loved ones help but it still takes understanding from all.  I can only hope she understands that what is done is done, try to be, who you want to be to those around you and you too will be missed “one way or another”.    So long, Asshole! 

                                                                                                Love Andy!

October 17, 2011

Hey Holmes:  I finally found a pen.  Imagine that!  I use to be able to talk to you  but now it’s like everybody’s listening.  I can talk to you but it’s like we’re sitting in a damn arena.  Yeah, I know it’s my own damn fault for giving this writing to others to read.  What the hell could I do?  People miss your ugly ass.  Okay, fine you looked damn good in the cowboy hat.  As a matter of fact, your mother looked so good, I actually thought you were a couple.  A couple of gangstas’.  Halloween is coming up and if there’s any truth to the B.S. legends then you’ll find her in Albuquerque, NM.  I know that’s past tense bro, but I ain’t gonna be able to talk to you much more.  I began this sentence with “I” am very proud of the fact that you quit drinking for as long as you did.  I think you were pretty much at the top of your game.  Trouble is, your game was not in the best interest of you, but that didn’t happened till you were off the wagon.  I’m sorry I wasn’t able to direct you to the straight and narrow but I ain’t seen that path for quite some time.  I always claim to think that I am but at the same time I keep doing the same things that keep me from being happy with what I must do.  I do not want to stop being so “out of tune” with the world that I couldn’t possibly make a difference.  On the other hand, I don’t want to be so in tune with the world that I couldn’t possibly make a difference.  In this quest of life, I have been a numerous piece of shit.  Sorry Bubba, but you should have guessed.  I’m no better than you.  I try to make people think so, but the fact is, I am no better.  Ok!  But you don’t have to laugh so long!!!  Asshole.

                                                                                    Love Andy!

October 23, 2011

Hey Hito:  Did you see that those guys came to a screeching halt, ok, well almost.  That guy got out and picked up an aluminum can!  I should’ve yelled, “Hey, that’s my can”.  It cost more to stop and pick up one can than it pays for itself.  People have got this recycle/green shit all mixed up/carbon footprints/carbon credits?  If you make a footprint, do you think it’s erased because you didn’t make more?  You’ll make more!  You don’t have a choice, you’ve already begun, it’s begun.  We don’t have a choice, ok, we could ride bicycles but we’d get run over by those who have already gotten use to going like a “bat out of hell”  (actually like US) trying to get somewhere a little faster.  Yeah, I know man, the wheels are turning and the clock ticks on.  You contained yourself when the hefty guy and the fat chick rolled west past us and I was thinking how much wiser you’ve become than the fatter guy and fatter chick come back towards the east.  Ok, it was funny, only because it as what I was thinking about, but I can’t help but think you had a hand in the timing!  Still it’s good to see them trying.  What?  Hell no!  It’d probably kill me.  I know I’m gonna die either way but I don’t want to quicken it!!!  If I don’t get run over, I’ll have a fucking heart attack.  Knowing me I’ll have a heart attack and then get run over!  It’s not my fault you lost your license and you sure as hell wouldn’t be riding that bike if you hadn’t lost it.  Come on, Man, don’t give me bad karma.  You’ve never seen me drive when I couldn’t stay in my own lane and I always look out for problems with the other guys.  Ok, but you shouldn’t give me crap, you know damn well that I never drive when I have.  No!  When I know I might have trouble maintaining.  Yeah, I know down the road I might have trouble, No!  I know how much, when and how long it’ll take me to get home.  Ok!  You’re Right!  I don’t always know because it could take longer or someone might run into me or I might have to help someone who got run into.  OK!  OK!  Don’t jinx me man!  You know I ain’t gonna hurt nobody, I’ll drive the speed limit and anyone who want to go faster, I’ll be ready to put the brakes on in case they can’t pass fast enough.  Hey Man, you’re making me paranoid.  Maybe I should stay here tonight.  I know it’s still light out but they moved back time and it gets darker earlier.  Yeah, you got that right, I ain’t sleeping in no damn couch when I got a perfectly good bed at home.  Oh Shit!  You’re mom’s coming home tomorrow and I’ve slept on those sheets for 2 ½ weeks.  I gotta go home and wash the linen before I can go to sleep tonight.  No!  I didn’t dirty them up but you can only sleep so long on the same sheets and her nose still works.  I gotta go man!  I know, it’s been a while.  Anyway, thanks for talking to me.  It’s good to see you’re doing alright.  By the way, you know I still think you’re an asshole!  But then again, aren’t we all?  Still, I kinda miss your dogging my ass every time I pull up here but at the same time I miss the surprises you laid on me when you worked all day trying to get things done.  I even miss the times you’d step on one plant while trying to shore up another.  I guess I just kinda miss ya!  Hell No, that wasn’t no damn tear!!!!! I, my eye, was burning from sweat or something.  Hell No!!!!  I wouldn’t hug your ass.  I’d just say, “What the hell happened?”  Cuz heaven wouldn’t have you and hell wouldn’t put up with your ass.  I gotta go man! Yeah, I will.  IT’LL BE ALRIGHT!  Oh Yeah, thank GOD for the rain, for me, if you get the chance.  I know, but who else can I ask.  They say there’s no way to kill them, well ask somebody.  I’ll bet somebody knows how to get rid of nemytodes.  Yeah, Paul’s garden has gone to shit too!  Yeah, I’m gonna dig it up and plant something green or maybe broccoli or cauliflower.  I gotta go man, no, not really, but she hides it sometimes.  Yeah, she knows, but it still hurts!  Asshole. 

                                                                                                Love Andy

November 6, 2011