Xmas message from Auntie Janet

Hello Hito:
So how was your Christmas?  Did you get to spend it with the birthday boy?  You are in my thoughts every day, you know. I thought about sending you and Carlos a few bucks for Christmas .. then in the middle of that thought, I remembered that you are no longer in a place where they will do you any good.  

You’ll be happy to know that I have been eating enough desserts for the both of us! We had Christmas Eve here at our house and I was too busy to eat… so I have made up for it the last couple of days!  

The weather is cold out here.  I don’t like the cold.  Nor do I like the heat.  I like spring and fall temperatures.. 70% would be just fine.  And that’s if I remember correctly what 70 degrees feels like, which I probably don’t since my memory has walked out the door.  

Uncle Bob and Jonas are outside working on making a zip line.  It is a Christmas and Birthday gift (Jan. 8th) for Jonas.  

As I’m sure you are aware, your mom and Andy got a new house. It’s really nice, it has a pool.  You would have loved it.  I know you like the water...or was it just the ocean? Did you love being in the swimming pool, too?  I should ask your Auntie Dish, she would know.  

When you lose someone, every day is hard, but some days are harder. Of course, holidays are on the hard list!  We have a picture of you, Carlos, and your mom up along with the picture of you giving a lizard a cigarette… What were you thinking dude… two puffs and the lizard would have cancer, five puffs and he’d probably be dead!!  That picture makes us laugh… Jonas absolutely loves it, it’s one of our favorites!  

Grandma Dianne and I were in Florida for Thanksgiving and we cleaned your room, packed up your stuff.  So tell me, do you have to change clothes up there are you butt naked like the angels?  Or do you wear a robe or what… maybe you wear a shirt and pants .. but do you never get dirty… I’d like that cause who the heck wants to do laundry when you’re in Heaven, (unless of course there are laundry angels? ..plus I don’t really like water so taking a shower or bath is not my favorite thing to do, so I could do without that, too. Although I wouldn’t mind being able to wear whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  The clothes I have now are not really all that.  I dress according to my budget.  Grandma and I took a valium before we started cleaning the first day… so we did ok.  It was hell on your mom, though.  So I took another valium!

Your mom misses you sooo much.   I’m sure you know that she got a tattoo on her arm representing you… so if you feel a smack every once in a while… it’s her smacking her arm… which means she’s smacking you!  No doubt every smack is well deserved, but don’t feel bad… there is love behind that smack! I love you, Hito.
 
 

Grandma Honey

 My Dearest  Hito, 

Well, here we are coming up on 7 months that you have been gone from us. You have been on my mind more than usual  these past 2 days. Even though you are always on our minds.  We will especially miss you at this Holy Christmas Season.  And you will be celebrating with the Birthday Guest!!

  

Auntie Janet & I packed up your room over the Thanksgiving Holiday. We  remembered you, talked about you, we cried, but also we laughed about some things you’d said or done.  I guess that is what we  call  memories,  and we’re glad we have them.  My sweet love, you are loved by many. 

 Your auntie Trish is in Florida helping your mom & Andy update their new home. I hope they will be happy there, maybe thinking about it as a new start.  It is a lovely home in a nice neighborhood with a beautiful yard and a pool.  The homes & yards in that neighborhood are well kept.  Your mom is happy and sad.  It is a  bittersweet time for her. She always envisioned you there beside them,  working on it.

But she knows you are there in Spirit.

LULT…. FOREVER

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 A dream that could come true,

We’d pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and you

A thousand words can’t bring you back,

We know because we’ve tried

And neither will a million tears,

We know because we’ve cried.

You left behind our broken hearts

And HAPPY MEMORIES too.

We never wanted memories

We only wanted you.

Author unknown

ANDY

Well Bubba:  I’m sitting out here whether I like it or not.  Marly wouldn’t let me in the house w/o her coming inside to so I just sat down.  Figured I should write since you ain’t been saying much.  Haven’t heard from you in a while!!! Yeah, I know my minds been somewhere else and you’ve been somewhere else.  We’ve had a heavy fall of acorns this September & October and the damn squirrels are bitchin at each other.  I hope everything’s going well with you and you’ve forgotten all about us still down here, after all, even though you’ve got eternity, there’s no reason you should waste any time on us cuz there ain’t anything you can do about what we’re doing anyway.  Some people think there is but I pretty much figured that’s impossible otherwise there’d be a lot more Lotto winners!!!  HaHa! LOL.  P.S. – the squirrels are bitchin at the cats, I think.  Who the heck knows.  Your Grandma Honey emailed me a joke today.  It was funny.  You’re mom is still pretty much devastated by your lack of presence.  She misses you!!  Sorry there’s nothing you can do but she still misses you.  You know, I understand more than most how it hurts and how there ain’t a damned thing you can do to quiet the hurt.  Time truly is a healer.  Friends and loved ones help but it still takes understanding from all.  I can only hope she understands that what is done is done, try to be, who you want to be to those around you and you too will be missed “one way or another”.    So long, Asshole! 

                                                                                                Love Andy!

October 17, 2011

Hey Holmes:  I finally found a pen.  Imagine that!  I use to be able to talk to you  but now it’s like everybody’s listening.  I can talk to you but it’s like we’re sitting in a damn arena.  Yeah, I know it’s my own damn fault for giving this writing to others to read.  What the hell could I do?  People miss your ugly ass.  Okay, fine you looked damn good in the cowboy hat.  As a matter of fact, your mother looked so good, I actually thought you were a couple.  A couple of gangstas’.  Halloween is coming up and if there’s any truth to the B.S. legends then you’ll find her in Albuquerque, NM.  I know that’s past tense bro, but I ain’t gonna be able to talk to you much more.  I began this sentence with “I” am very proud of the fact that you quit drinking for as long as you did.  I think you were pretty much at the top of your game.  Trouble is, your game was not in the best interest of you, but that didn’t happened till you were off the wagon.  I’m sorry I wasn’t able to direct you to the straight and narrow but I ain’t seen that path for quite some time.  I always claim to think that I am but at the same time I keep doing the same things that keep me from being happy with what I must do.  I do not want to stop being so “out of tune” with the world that I couldn’t possibly make a difference.  On the other hand, I don’t want to be so in tune with the world that I couldn’t possibly make a difference.  In this quest of life, I have been a numerous piece of shit.  Sorry Bubba, but you should have guessed.  I’m no better than you.  I try to make people think so, but the fact is, I am no better.  Ok!  But you don’t have to laugh so long!!!  Asshole.

                                                                                    Love Andy!

October 23, 2011

Hey Hito:  Did you see that those guys came to a screeching halt, ok, well almost.  That guy got out and picked up an aluminum can!  I should’ve yelled, “Hey, that’s my can”.  It cost more to stop and pick up one can than it pays for itself.  People have got this recycle/green shit all mixed up/carbon footprints/carbon credits?  If you make a footprint, do you think it’s erased because you didn’t make more?  You’ll make more!  You don’t have a choice, you’ve already begun, it’s begun.  We don’t have a choice, ok, we could ride bicycles but we’d get run over by those who have already gotten use to going like a “bat out of hell”  (actually like US) trying to get somewhere a little faster.  Yeah, I know man, the wheels are turning and the clock ticks on.  You contained yourself when the hefty guy and the fat chick rolled west past us and I was thinking how much wiser you’ve become than the fatter guy and fatter chick come back towards the east.  Ok, it was funny, only because it as what I was thinking about, but I can’t help but think you had a hand in the timing!  Still it’s good to see them trying.  What?  Hell no!  It’d probably kill me.  I know I’m gonna die either way but I don’t want to quicken it!!!  If I don’t get run over, I’ll have a fucking heart attack.  Knowing me I’ll have a heart attack and then get run over!  It’s not my fault you lost your license and you sure as hell wouldn’t be riding that bike if you hadn’t lost it.  Come on, Man, don’t give me bad karma.  You’ve never seen me drive when I couldn’t stay in my own lane and I always look out for problems with the other guys.  Ok, but you shouldn’t give me crap, you know damn well that I never drive when I have.  No!  When I know I might have trouble maintaining.  Yeah, I know down the road I might have trouble, No!  I know how much, when and how long it’ll take me to get home.  Ok!  You’re Right!  I don’t always know because it could take longer or someone might run into me or I might have to help someone who got run into.  OK!  OK!  Don’t jinx me man!  You know I ain’t gonna hurt nobody, I’ll drive the speed limit and anyone who want to go faster, I’ll be ready to put the brakes on in case they can’t pass fast enough.  Hey Man, you’re making me paranoid.  Maybe I should stay here tonight.  I know it’s still light out but they moved back time and it gets darker earlier.  Yeah, you got that right, I ain’t sleeping in no damn couch when I got a perfectly good bed at home.  Oh Shit!  You’re mom’s coming home tomorrow and I’ve slept on those sheets for 2 ½ weeks.  I gotta go home and wash the linen before I can go to sleep tonight.  No!  I didn’t dirty them up but you can only sleep so long on the same sheets and her nose still works.  I gotta go man!  I know, it’s been a while.  Anyway, thanks for talking to me.  It’s good to see you’re doing alright.  By the way, you know I still think you’re an asshole!  But then again, aren’t we all?  Still, I kinda miss your dogging my ass every time I pull up here but at the same time I miss the surprises you laid on me when you worked all day trying to get things done.  I even miss the times you’d step on one plant while trying to shore up another.  I guess I just kinda miss ya!  Hell No, that wasn’t no damn tear!!!!! I, my eye, was burning from sweat or something.  Hell No!!!!  I wouldn’t hug your ass.  I’d just say, “What the hell happened?”  Cuz heaven wouldn’t have you and hell wouldn’t put up with your ass.  I gotta go man! Yeah, I will.  IT’LL BE ALRIGHT!  Oh Yeah, thank GOD for the rain, for me, if you get the chance.  I know, but who else can I ask.  They say there’s no way to kill them, well ask somebody.  I’ll bet somebody knows how to get rid of nemytodes.  Yeah, Paul’s garden has gone to shit too!  Yeah, I’m gonna dig it up and plant something green or maybe broccoli or cauliflower.  I gotta go man, no, not really, but she hides it sometimes.  Yeah, she knows, but it still hurts!  Asshole. 

                                                                                                Love Andy

November 6, 2011

Grandma Honey

My Dear Dear  Hito, 
Six months have gone by since you were taken away from us and we still miss  you terribly.
Thanksgiving is coming up and my last memories of spending time with you on that day and for about a week after your surgery. 
Then I came back to NM, never in my worst nightmare thinking you would not be there this year when I go back. 
Me & some of your aunties are going to help your mom clean your room.  
I have a sense of dread, but also feel like it's something I want and need to do.  I believe you are at peace. 
BUT I miss you, your smile and teasing. 
Well my love we just have to keep on keeping on don't we, we have no other choice.
 
LULT....FOREVER
 

Baby Leo

cool picture big brother aka chucky cheese and his beautiful baby sister hes gonna be a goodolder brother and watch out for her i can tell, Leo

GRANDMA HONEY, aka GRAMMA, aka GRANDMA DIANNE, aka GODMOTHER

October 12, 2011

My Dear Sweet Leo,

5 months have gone by.  Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and other times it seems longer.  But no matter, I still miss you and your sweetness. 

You were always so kind and you never got mad, even when I was upset with you.  I wish I had never been upset with you.  But that is unrealistic because I do not have your sweet nature.

 Well my love, what can I say other than I love you, miss you and wish I had 1 more day with you and knew at that time that it was my last day w/you.

 Ha, ha not asking for much, huh.  Till we see each other again, I will have to settle with "you are in a better place".   What a cliche, but the truth. 

LULT  FOREVER

ANDY

Well Hito! 

It’s the 2^nd day of fall and I’ve been here in the house trying to find things; whether you moved them or I don’t remember where I put them, don’t matter that much, eventually I’ll find em’.  I’ve been hearing things when it’s quiet enough, sounds like scratching.  I sat still long enough to figure out it was the AC.  It happens just before it starts and just before it stops.  I knew it wasn’t you or Josh, otherwise you’d be dodging my ass before now. 

Your mom ain’t doing well.  She cried herself to sleep two times last night.  Yeah, I said 2.  You don’t know how much this hurts her and most people don’t have a clue.  They think they do and even if they tried to fake believe their child was gone they’d still know it wasn’t true.  Besides, no one wants to pretend that anyway.  All I can say is; I hope they never have to know.  I know you didn’t mean for this to happen, didn’t plan for it, else you would’ve tried to make it easier on your Mom.  Well, whether you did or didn’t don’t make any damn difference now, does it?  Hell, I wish it was you scratching on the door, cause then you’d be able to help your Mom.  She told me last night, “He’s not coming back, is he?”  I couldn’t say a thing, I just held her tighter and tried not to cry.  I wish like hell you’d thought more about the consequences of you not waking up than just trying to push the limit.  Wish in one hand, spit in the other, see which fills up first.  Still, I can’t help but be pissed at you.  Yeah, I know it ain’t the first time but this time it ain’t like any other.  Yeah, I know Bubba, but sometimes I gottta say it, NO!  I don’t hate your ass but you shouldn’t have done what you did.  You should’ve thought about “what if!” These things have, kind of, a domino effect except they go in all different directions.  Most of us are pretty frail.  We live by our hearts and the heart needs love.  When we lose one that we love we tend to become hurt and forget about all of those who love us and the hurt grows till we can’t feel the love others have for us.  So we grow even sicker and wish we didn’t feel this way but the only solution we can think of is, “If we dwell on this long enough we won’t think of how we will hurt everyone that loves us and here comes the domino effect.”  So if that was your ass scratching somewhere you’d better at least talk to your Mom and tell her, “It’ll be alright.”  Never mind, she’s starting to hate that saying not cause it ain’t true but because it’s been said too many times.  Especially when she’d rather have another answer and she will say, “I knew you were gonna say that thing.”

Hey man, I almost forgot to tell you about the dogs.  Hold on, your mom’s calling.   Huh, that went well!  As long as I’m writing to you she’s fine.  She didn’t even make me go to the store for her, go figure!  I’ll never understand!  I’m really beginning to think it’s true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing.  The dogs?  Oh yeah!  You know that little scrawny puppy we got to breed with Reyna?  Well after, (you know) Trish drove her Hummer all the way here from Albuquerque to be with your mom and brought all three of her little dogs, anyway Suzy “Q” went into heat, then Reyna, and then Tasha.  Shut up!  I can’t write that, this is going on your blog you know you can’t talk like that.  You might have nephews and nieces and not to mention your own kids reading this stuff.  Actually, the probability is pretty good anyway.   First Suzie “Q” had 2 boys and 1 girl.  The next week Reyna has 2 boys and they were both born breach and in the middle of the freaking night, I might add!  I, OK – we had to pull the little basstards out of the fish bowl so they wouldn’t die, which wasn’t easy, cuz the second one (fattest) would pull his leg back in every time I’d grab his foot.  Your Mom thought she’d broken his leg.  I finally got a paper towel so I could get a grip and ended up pulling his little “fat” ass out.  Poor little guy, his feet looked swollen from all the pinching and trying to get a hold on him.  So, we’re up until 2 a.m. delivering pups and wondering if there’s any more.  Your Mom takes Reyna in for an x-ray to make sure there ain’t any more left but there wasn’t.  That was good!  That was the night before I had to go to Dean’s “Celebration of Life”. 

The very next Friday, what?  Oh yeah!  Tasha goes into labor around 7 pm.  We stay up most of the night trying to help her but nothing’s happening.  Anyway, we were at the vet’s office before they opened hoping the babies were still alive.  Your mother gets out of the truck to go smoke a damned cigarette and gets bit by an old bitch (dog) which was being taken for a walk by one of the interns.  Ok! Ok!  She (Tasha) had 3 boys.  We thought the odd ball wasn’t going to make it.  Well, the vet said it might still die cause it had water in the lungs and it wouldn’t eat.  I took the little rat and stuck his head to a nipple several times times before he finally opened his mouth and fed a little after that he didn’t have a problem!  Tasha did though!  They had to perform a C-section and take the babies so she was drugged up.  She wasn’t sure where they came from of if they were hers.  We kept her quieted down till we could get out of there, about 1 pm.  They gave us some sheets to take em home in and we bought some more at a garage sale and delivered them to the vets.  They were happy.  Yeah, cost $600.  Sure as hell wasn’t free!  Anyway the pups are good.  Well, it’s all good.  Their starting to run all over the office and your Mom’s going nuts trying to keep up with 5 puppies but it helps to keep her mind off of you.  She says she should charge for potty training.  It’s only been 4 weeks for some and 5 weeks for Reyna’s but they’ve already been going out the doggie door.  Drives your Mom nuts!!!!  It really is a sight to see.  The little guys, all 5 boys, are biting, pawing, and trying to run, rolling all over each other.  It really is funny to watch but they’ll get bigger, faster and smarter in no time.  Yeah, that’s what I thought, I need a video camera.  You’re Mom’s going nuts!!!!  I just hope nobody steps on any of the little rats or opens the door too quickly.  Well, we all hope nothing bad happens but sometimes it just does.  All of us screw up one way or another.  None of us are sure of how we’re gonna make it.  It gets harder when we lose someone we love.  About all we can do is help hold each other up.  Sometimes I miss you Bro!  I said sometimes!! 

You AHole!                   Love Andy

9/29/11

AUNTIE VALENTINA

My baby Leo,

I miss you…But then I still don’t believe it.  So I have mixed emotions. I think maybe it’s easier for me not to believe that you are gone. But when I think about it and try to face reality,  I get sick to my stomach, my heart aches and I cry.

I love you even though I didn’t say it OFTEN ENOUGH….hell, I didn’t even talk to you often enough….I’m sorry.

Auntie Valentina

If I knew

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and a kiss
and call you back for one more..

 If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word
so I could play them back day after day..

 if I knew it would be the last time
I could spare any extra minute,
to stop and say" I love you"
instead of assuming you would know I do..

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away..

For surely there's always tomorrow,
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right..

There will always be another day to say
"I love you", and certainly there's another chance
to say our "anything I can do"?

But just in case I might be wrong
and today is all I get
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget..

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone
young or old alike